Another Open Letter to Women Who Stalk

stalk: pursue or approach stealthily, shadow, track down, creep up on, go after

~Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Back on October 28, I wrote An Open Letter to a Woman Who Fawns (https://carolmossa.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-a-woman-who-fawns-fe9), calling out the insecurity so many women have around their relationships with men and their not so subtle messaging. On December 16, I wrote An Open Letter to Men Who Co-opt and Women Who Let Them (https://carolmossa.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-men-ceb), admonishing men for their tendencies to barrel into relationships without working on themselves first, thereby bringing us their unfinished emotional baggage.

Here I am again, calling out women, this time for their craven and opportunistic stalking of men. Perhaps stalk is too strong, too loaded, a word for the behavior I'm about to describe. You, dear readers, can replace it with something more to your liking, but based on the suggestions in the definition above, I'd say, I'm pretty on point. In today's current digital world, it's easy to pursue stealthily, shadow, track down, creep up on, and/or go after a romantic fantasy. I have watched in amusement, now revulsion, as several such fantasies have unfolded on social media. 

One woman I am acquainted with has patiently stalked her prey for several years. On Valentine’s Day, she showed up in my newsfeed, leaning in for a staged hug, having taken herself on a West Coast vacation that just happened to be within driving distance of this man's hometown. Subtle? Not very. Creepy? Yes. What kind of woman plans a vacation with the intention of surprising a man she's come to know casually on social media, popping in on him at his place of business? What would you say about that same man, if after a few years of digital messaging, he just happened to show up on your doorstep?

I was sixteen in 1970, and the only time it was socially acceptable to ask a boy out on a date was when the annual Sadie Hawkins dance rolled around. So maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but that's not what this aversion is about because, after all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? But there is something entirely untoward and downright creepy about women who cozy up on social media with men they've friended---liking, loving, and commenting on their every post. It's because I am a feminist and believe in the rights of women, the strength of women and their right (and responsibility) to stand on their own two feet, to make their way in the world, that I cringe when I see women throwing themselves at men's feet. 

Why should I care? As a woman who has made her way in the world with no strings attached, I'm telling you that this behavior makes you—-women who stalk—-look pitifully weak, disempowered, desperate, and conniving. It's not cunning. It's not cute. It's creepy. Again, imagine if this man, or any man, pulled the same stunt. 

"Never go in search of love, go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek." ~Atticus

There's a difference between being a woman who is in the flow, outgoing, free-spirited, and in love with life, and a woman who is a flagrant and obvious self-seeker. 

Ladies, stop, just stop! 

Food for thought: https://backtolovedoc.com/should-women-pursue-men-in-dating/

Fall in Love

“If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.” — Mark Twain

I learned a lot about love last year. I learned that my love of self has to come first, that in order to find love, I have to give love. I learned that my love can't save anyone. No matter how much I love other sick and suffering people, I can't want their wellness more than they do.

I fell in love over and over again last year. I took several domestic road trips, and each time I checked in to a new room for the night, I fell in love. I fell in love with my hosts, their families; I fell in love with the people at meetings in halls, and church basements; I fell in love with the hills, valleys, mountains, oceans, and lakes of this great country.

And I fell even more deeply in love with myself, with my courage, my strength, my laugh, my heart, my mind, my God.

So, it matters little that I don't have one person in my life to love. I have three grown children and their partners, children and pups to love. I have hundreds of men and women all over the country to love, and they, blessedly, love me back. If you are in a relationship, love deeper. Dig in. Let go of your petty resentments. Something missing? Try providing it instead of waiting for it.

This Valentine's weekend, instead of sitting home, feeling sorry for yourself that a relationship ended or  crashed and burned on take-off,  pick up some carnations and greeting cards and donate them to the residents at a nursing home in your town.

Want love? Begin by giving it away. 

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Check out: http://bit.ly/3JEkxaW

Leading with Love

 

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." ~ John Lubbock

I use this Lubbock quote often, and I wholeheartedly believe it is at the root of all manifestation. (Law of Attraction 101, if you will.) What are you giving your attention to? Do you expect miracles, or do you assume they happen to everyone else, never you?

I seek love, not the romantic kind, rather the kind that is found in grocery store lines, on the highways, daily on Facebook and in social media. I do not watch the news, I do not seek out the gore and desperate tidings online or in the newspapers. I will scroll right past your post if you're whining again about your cheating husband. I do not fixate on the latest virus or plague sweeping the county. I am not blind either; I know such horrors exist. I simply choose to focus on the things, the experiences, the happenings, that I wish to see more of. Generosity. Abundance. Kindness. It's probably why Halloween is my least favorite holiday. Given the headlines, it's disconcerting to see youngsters, and even grown men and women, carrying knife props, fake blood smeared across themselves. And please don't tell me I lack a sense of humor. 

I once dated (literally, once) a man who kept a machete under the seat on the passenger's side of his truck. I'd been groping around for my misplaced cellphone when I came upon it.

"Why do you have a machete in your truck?" I asked.
"Just in case," he answered.
"In case of what?" I pressed.
"In case someone tries to mess with me," he countered.

I had just returned from my first solo cross country road trip---9000 miles in 30 days---and not once did anyone mess with me, not at the pumps, not checking into my rooms for the night, not on the long, sometimes barren and desolate highways. I went out into the world expecting safety, seeking connection, deliriously in love with life, and not once did calamity visit me. Perhaps there are two types of people in the world: people who look for, and generally find, trouble, and people who have faith and hail mankind as benevolent.

Maybe one day, someone, something, will prove my theory wrong, but in the meantime, I'll go on believing in love because when I lead with that, all things are possible. Try it. If I'm wrong, I'll refund your misery.

Great article on this topic here: http://bit.ly/3RfaYB4

Regrets? I've Had a Few

My dad passed away peacefully in his sleep, in a nursing home, back in 2004.  Mr. Mossa's two favorite songs were "Sweet Caroline," by Neil Diamond, and "My Way," by Frank Sinatra. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and I was my dad's daughter, through and through. I followed in his footsteps in oh, so many ways. Alcohol ravaged my father's early years and the missteps he made as a young man would haunt him into adulthood. As a child and young girl growing up in a dysfunctional home, I vowed I would never drink like my father. I didn't know what I didn't know, and in fact, my life mirrored my father's in myriad ways. The one difference, however, is that I found a solution. I discovered a spiritual remedy for what ailed me before it was too late. As a result, at 68 years of age, an age when many people are contemplating retirement and are slowing down, I am just getting started. I found purpose and passion in work that I love. I have connected with like-minded individuals around the globe, and together we are making a difference though our creative energies. I may not have it all, but I have my freedom, and I wouldn't trade it for the house on the hill, the luxury car in the driveway, or a five-star hotel.

Regrets? I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention. Check out this great article:

 https://bestlifeonline.com/most-common-regrets/

Are You a Renaissance Soul?

For many years, I beat myself up because I couldn't seem to concentrate, zero in on, be content with just one career path. I have, at various times been (and in some cases, continue to be) a teacher, a published author, a small business owner, a public speaker, a photographer, a floorcloth artist, a fashion designer, and a massage therapist. Whew! I used to experience great shame when my then-husband would lament, "Jeez, why can't you pick ONE?"

Why, indeed?

One day a few years ago, I picked up a book at the bookstore, The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One, by Margaret Lobenstine (see links below). Reading that book, I came to understand that I was not a lost cause. Far from it. I was a Renaissance woman with diverse interests, keen intelligence, wit, wisdom, vision, and more importantly, a zest for life! All of those interests, passions, and pursuits have brought me to the place where I am today. As founder of The Footloose Muse in Charlestown, RI, I am able to use all of these gifts to bring health and wellness to a community of people seeking a chance to explore, in safety, ALL of their interests, their passions. Through educational workshops, energy work, meditation, and other holistic alternatives, more and more people are discovering their own uniqueness, authenticity, and power.  

Everyone of us is gifted. Don't be afraid to unwrap your package.

https://renaissancesouls.com/about-us/

https://www.mindfueldaily.com/livewell/are-you-a-renaissance-soul/

https://www.writersdigest.com/general/are-you-a-renaissance-soul-use-it-to-your-advantage

Am I Your Cup of Tea?

It's time to balance the scale.

Since April 2022, I've been writing a Friday column here on Substack. Without fail and often within minutes of my weekly post, I receive messages from readers who willingly share their impressions with me. A community has grown up around these exchanges, and I am grateful for the engagement. Simultaneously, I can always count on a flurry of email disableds, readers who, for whatever reason have chosen this moment as an opportunity to opt out of my musings.

I'm not delusional; I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I know that I can sometimes shine too bright a light on the unhealed regions of your heart, and/or you think you're too young, too old, too smart, too whatever to relate. I get it, and frankly, my goal is to build a community of spiritual ninjas who can relate. When someone unsubscribes from my email list, I know I am drawing closer to that sweet spot.

So I'm presenting a challenge this week. I am actually inviting you, gentle reader, to unsubscribe if, after all these months, my words lack punch, lack meaning, lack a place of relevance in your life. Let's not waste each other's precious time and bandwidth.

But if, as author Donna Ashworth writes, I can be your first sip of a cold drink on a sunny day, or a warming hot chocolate when you come in from the rain, or the pop of a long-awaited champagne cork, or a stiff shot of tequila when things go awry, then come love me hard. Engage. Tap the heart. Leave a comment. Become a paid subscriber. Become a Mighty Muse. It's hard to ask people to start paying for a product or service that they've been getting free for so long, but perhaps think of it as having had time to try things out, a complimentary period. If you decide to leave, thanks for coming along for the ride; you'll be missed. If, however, you've come to value the weekly content, and the work I'm doing in the world as a creative midwife, then for God's sake, throw some money in the hat.

Now here's the full piece by Donna Ashworth. 

YOU CAN’T BE EVERYONE’S CUP OF TEA by Donna Ashworth

There will always be someone in this life who just doesn’t like you, no matter how hard you try to please them.

There will always be something that you say, or do, which causes offense or division. 

Whether you meant to or not.

There will always be someone who finds fault in you, your life or your words.

You may never find out why, please don’t waste your precious time trying to.

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Then there will be those who like you on impact. 

A little fizz of energy that passes between you. 

Silently, unseen, bonding.

Those people will not only like you but they will like you fiercely. 

They are your people. 

Whatever spare time you have, spend it on them.

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but you can be someone’s first sip of a cold drink on a sunny day…

Or a warming hot chocolate when you come in from the rain

or the pop of a long-awaited champagne cork

or a stiff shot of tequila when things go awry

Find your people, 

love them hard.

Review. Reflect. Rejoice.

 

                  

   Image by Victoria Model from Pixabay 

I sat down this week and made a list of the photography workshops I attended last year. I included the excursions that I took myself on--alone--without other photographers. While I went on fewer excursions in 2022, the work culminated in a solo show at a local gallery and the promise of future ones. I managed to photograph nearly two dozen locations, from a return to Ellis Island, an abandoned opera house in Connecticut, to San Francisco and the iconic Alcatraz, to country barns and winding back roads in Tennessee. Why am I telling you this? The Covid years brought great isolation for many of us. Some of us have lost loved ones, jobs, health, and friendships. Our hearts are heavy. In short, it's been a time of great transition. The one thing that has held and kept me steady is my art. The one thing I have been uncompromising on is getting out (sometimes just in my own backyard), with my camera, and doing the one thing I can control: my creative life. 

So I am asking you, I am imploring you to consider this question: what do you love to do? (Not who do you love; there's a big difference.)  What is the one pursuit, the one passion, that without, you simply wouldn't feel whole? Perhaps it's writing poetry, songwriting, painting, photography, design, or culinary arts. If you don't know the answer, take out a piece of paper, or your journal, and allow the answers to come. We are all gifted, but some of us never open our packages.

(Consider joining me in 2023 for one of my creativity courses. See the link below.) 

As we tiptoe lightly into 2023, I am grateful for the opportunity to review, reflect, and rejoice in my God-given talents. 

https://www.carolmossa.com/on-the-road