Another Open Letter to Women Who Stalk

stalk: pursue or approach stealthily, shadow, track down, creep up on, go after

~Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Back on October 28, I wrote An Open Letter to a Woman Who Fawns (https://carolmossa.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-a-woman-who-fawns-fe9), calling out the insecurity so many women have around their relationships with men and their not so subtle messaging. On December 16, I wrote An Open Letter to Men Who Co-opt and Women Who Let Them (https://carolmossa.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-men-ceb), admonishing men for their tendencies to barrel into relationships without working on themselves first, thereby bringing us their unfinished emotional baggage.

Here I am again, calling out women, this time for their craven and opportunistic stalking of men. Perhaps stalk is too strong, too loaded, a word for the behavior I'm about to describe. You, dear readers, can replace it with something more to your liking, but based on the suggestions in the definition above, I'd say, I'm pretty on point. In today's current digital world, it's easy to pursue stealthily, shadow, track down, creep up on, and/or go after a romantic fantasy. I have watched in amusement, now revulsion, as several such fantasies have unfolded on social media. 

One woman I am acquainted with has patiently stalked her prey for several years. On Valentine’s Day, she showed up in my newsfeed, leaning in for a staged hug, having taken herself on a West Coast vacation that just happened to be within driving distance of this man's hometown. Subtle? Not very. Creepy? Yes. What kind of woman plans a vacation with the intention of surprising a man she's come to know casually on social media, popping in on him at his place of business? What would you say about that same man, if after a few years of digital messaging, he just happened to show up on your doorstep?

I was sixteen in 1970, and the only time it was socially acceptable to ask a boy out on a date was when the annual Sadie Hawkins dance rolled around. So maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but that's not what this aversion is about because, after all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? But there is something entirely untoward and downright creepy about women who cozy up on social media with men they've friended---liking, loving, and commenting on their every post. It's because I am a feminist and believe in the rights of women, the strength of women and their right (and responsibility) to stand on their own two feet, to make their way in the world, that I cringe when I see women throwing themselves at men's feet. 

Why should I care? As a woman who has made her way in the world with no strings attached, I'm telling you that this behavior makes you—-women who stalk—-look pitifully weak, disempowered, desperate, and conniving. It's not cunning. It's not cute. It's creepy. Again, imagine if this man, or any man, pulled the same stunt. 

"Never go in search of love, go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek." ~Atticus

There's a difference between being a woman who is in the flow, outgoing, free-spirited, and in love with life, and a woman who is a flagrant and obvious self-seeker. 

Ladies, stop, just stop! 

Food for thought: https://backtolovedoc.com/should-women-pursue-men-in-dating/