Aging, Resilience and Relevance

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. 

Relevance is how appropriate something is to what's being done or said at a given time.

~Your Dictionary

This whimsical graphic speaks volumes about resilience and relevance, flip sides to the same coin. Rather than lamenting a rainy day, the woman stands beneath a dark cloud catching rainwater to nourish a potted plant. As the saying goes, When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. There's a silver lining in every disappointment, every obstacle, every dis-ease, if viewed through a contemplative lens. Nothing happens to us, everything happens for us and our spiritual growth and development. Aging is no different, and it offers profound opportunities for growth and relevance, or stagnation and irrelevance. As Nikolle Goldman writes in her article, 6 Secrets to Staying Relevant As You Age (see link below), one must seek knowledge, embrace social media, stay fit, go out, dress to impress, and challenge yourself. I am happy to report that my relevancy meter is set to high. 

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the United States and for the first time since becoming a mother thirty-five years ago, I found myself home alone. Two of my three children and their families were traveling, and the third one lives over 1000 miles away in the midwest. All three made choices that suited their families, and I loved that they did so. I mindfully turned down countless offers of fellowship in exchange for a quiet day at home with my beloved Carla, a good book, jigsaw puzzle, and chicken in the slow-cooker. Doing so gave me time to reflect on past holidays when my relevance depended on providing a family feast. My relevance has morphed and changed over the years, and my resilience to life's changes has kept up. 

Last weekend,  my oldest daughter and her husband closed on a new house. The previous owners had been beset by a string of set-backs and bad luck over the years, and seemed to live under a black cloud. My daughter accepted my offer to smudge the exterior and interior of their new digs to invite positive energy (see link below). So when moving day arrived, I showed up at the prescribed time and fulfilled my promise with bundles of aromatic sage, lavender and rosebuds. Once complete, I offered to stay and help, but my daughter, like me, has her own way of doing things, and I knew the greatest help I could provide was getting out of her way. Later that night, her father and his wife showed up and built a wonderful fire in their fireplace. On Sunday, her in-laws showed up with an offer to take the grandkids off-site for a few hours. Each of us aging parents showed up in ways that suited us, ways that spoke to our unique gifts and talents, in short, our relevance. 

As I prepare to embrace my 69th December birthday, I am able to relinquish the mother I once was in order to embrace the resilience that keeps me relevant. 

https://www.nextavenue.org/getting-older-matter/

http://bit.ly/3U38TYL

http://bit.ly/3U2Hd67

 

I'm no Cinderella

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

"The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence – an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others." ~Wikipedia

In 2014, it occurred to me, in a stunning and humbling moment of clarity, that I was waiting for someone else to show up with the key to my life. As a single woman, I was seeking a partner with a big life. In my mind, big life was not necessarily synonymous with big money, big house, or big car. Big life meant that I wanted a partner whose life was filled with passion, purpose, meaning, and depth. I wanted to be transformed, and carried from my own so-so life, into someone else's purpose-driven life. What the universe provided me with, however, was an opportunity to experience, and utilize, my own sense of lack as a vehicle for transformation. In short, so long as I sought, outside of myself, that for which I desired, I would continue to attract that missing piece in others. And while I never thought of myself as a woman seeking rescue, that moment of clarity was a game changer. I discovered that in order to find people who led deeply passionate and purposeful lives, I had to become a vibrational match. 

The universe wasted no time delivering direction. Almost instantly, I was given an opportunity to attend a class at the Rhode Island School of Design, aptly called, "Become the Art Director of Your Own Life." From the first class, I began a process that continues to this day, of creating my own big, rich, passionate, purposeful, meaningful life. And lo and behold, now that I have taken responsibility for that creation, now that I am an energetic match to all that I seek, I no longer have to look outside of myself for the key. 

I was reminded of my fierce independence a few weeks ago after celebrating my solo art exhibit at a local gallery. I had worn my favorite pair of matte black heels to the event and at night's end, I switched into flip-flops for the drive home. Once home, I realized I had misplaced one of the shoes. The next morning when I searched my car, I found the missing heel under one of the back seats. Metaphorically speaking, the moment wasn’t lost on my sense of self or humor: there’s no Prince Charming waiting in the wings to rescue me, no knight in shining armor pledging to battle for me. 

Happily ever after is my responsibility. 

Autumn: A Time for Puzzles and Wanderlust

In last Friday's column, I'm No Thoreau...but I Choose to Live Deliberately, I wrote about the joy and creative energy I experience living in my unfinished garage, and my reluctance to return to my cottage once the summer hosting season ends. 

Autumn is a time of restoration, rejuvenation, contemplation, and taking stock. I took a reflective look back while writing my morning pages earlier, and discovered on paper, what my mind and body already knew: it's been one helluva year creatively for this aging Sagittarius! As I ticked off the creative chances I took—-from launching guided group meditations three times weekly on Heygo, to publishing my column here, to running for political office in my seaside community, to undertaking the financial pressure of two major home improvement projects, to hanging my first solo photography show at a nearby gallery, to embarking on a six-week short story course at my local university, to hosting monthly book clubs and meet-ups, to facilitating one twelve-week creative recovery program for members of my private Facebook group—-I realized how hard I'd been pushing. Like Mother Nature, who generously birthed her splendor all year, it's time for me to let go, go within, and hunker down. 

Mentally, I have given myself permission to move back into the cottage and to have fun doing things I don't normally have time for. Today I bought a 750-piece jigsaw puzzle, CLOSET CATS. I love making puzzles and have all the frills---a non-slip felt mat, low-wattage illumination that adjusts the spread of light, and a fold-and-go table is on my Christmas gift list. I like knowing that this activity improves brain function and short-term memory.

That mint-green Volkswagen bus lain diagonally across the puzzle box is intentional. In January/February 2023, I would love to rent a camper van and leave town for a month. My plan is to head down to Hunting Island in South Carolina (I camped there in 2014), revisit Old Car City USA (a car junkyard on over 34 acres) and my buddy, Dean Lewis, in White, Georgia, and ultimately get to Pensacola, to hang out with my daughter, Lindsey, her husband, Cooper and my grandpup, Mochi. Cooper is part of the America's Cup sailing team and they are based in Florida this winter. 

Tell me about your plans for restoration this autumn. How will you honor the changing season? How will you tap into your inner balance? 

For more on autumn and its symbolism, check out: https://www.bustle.com/life/fall-autumn-season-meaning-symbolism

For more information about my weekly guided group meditations, visit: https://www.heygo.com/the-footloose-muse

For information on Hunting Island, South Carolina, check out: https://southcarolinaparks.com/hunting-islandhttps://southcarolinaparks.com/hunting-island

 To learn more about Old Car City USA, visit: https://www.oldcarcityusa.com/

I'm no Thoreau...but I choose to live deliberately

My Garage 

From Memorial Day to Labor Day weekends here in southern Rhode Island, I manage a robust hosting season on Airbnb. I am one of those old-fashioned hosts who still believe in the platform's original mission to share our rooms, homes, communities, and economies with like-minded travelers from all over the world. In order to be on hand to welcome, recommend and be of service to my guests, I move myself and my beloved Carla from our four-room cottage into my 20' x 20' unfinished garage across the lawn (think shabby chic). My garage boasts no kitchen, no running water; I do, however, have an air fryer, microwave, mini refrigerator, outside shower, and a gym membership.

My life in the garage is simple, uncomplicated, and uniquely me. I choose to remain out there long after my last summer guest has returned home. Why, you ask? The answer hit me while I made the six-step journey from the corner where my iMac is located, over to the twin bed where I sleep like a baby. Henry David Thoreau came to mind, along with his 10' x 15' one-room cabin on Walden Pond in Concord, Massachusetts and the two years he lived there with only a desk, three chairs, a fireplace and a bed. I'm no Thoreau, but I share his desire to live deliberately, with nothing but the essentials on hand. I've come to understand that my fascination, my love affair with this simple life is rooted in the quiet inspiration and divine mind that I partner with. With no encumbrances, no distractions, I am free to create to my heart's content.

In the fall of 1996, I was a Fellow in Residence at The Virginia Center for the Creative Arts in Sweet Briar, Virginia. I was granted a one-room studio with a desk, a chair and a bed. I spent two glorious weeks finishing my short story collection: Underbelly. Twenty years later, in the fall of 2016, after a two-month whirlwind cross-country book tour to promote Linger Longer: Lessons from a Contemplative Life, I spent a month in a three-room cabin on a horse farm in rural Elgin, Arizona, a few miles from the Mexican border. It's there I discovered that less is more: less baggage, less stress, less attachment, more freedom, more connection, more memories. When I returned to Rhode Island that year, I sold my 2000-square-foot designer condo in downtown East Greenwich and embarked on a minimalistic lifestyle, the same one I enjoy today.

As November dawns here in the northeastern United States, I will have to leave my one-room sanctuary and move back into my cottage, and while geographically not much will change, spiritually my center will shift as I lay down new tracks for self-discovery and creative expression.

Tell me where, when, and how you connect with divine mind? 

For more information on Thoreau, the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, and/or Sweet Caroline's Vintage Cottage, check out: 

https://bit.ly/3WdLXIz

https://www.vcca.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8FUPrd5ra0