SINGLE-BY-CHOICE

It's the middle of Valentine's weekend, and I am enjoying a blustery three days on Block Island, off the coast of my Rhode Island home. Friends who know me well, didn't question my decision to book an Airbnb room, secure a car reservation on the ferry, and venture off on my own. Two acquaintances, however, rather passive-aggressively insinuated that I might be taking off on a secret rendezvous with someone special. Once I got over my initial annoyance at their supposition, I realized I had in fact taken off with someone special, and that special someone is me. 

I've been divorced for over a decade. Early on, I dated and in fact, had two committed relationships with men that latest nine and fifteen months respectively. Since 2016, I have not dated, nor actively sought out a partner. When I got sober in 2008, my sponsor suggested I stay out of relationships for a year, that I needed to get to know myself first. How I resisted her advice! I'd been married and divorced three times by the time I sought this wise women's counsel and sponsorship. It took years for her wisdom to sink in, and eventually, I came to appreciate and embrace her wise words. For the last five years, I have been blissfully single-by-choice and have no interest or desire to change my relationship status. None. 

I have healthy relationships with my three adult children and grandchildren. I have a successful small business and do meaningful and diverse work that I love. I am enterprising, creative and in love with life. I have a gypsy soul, hippie heart and gangster spirit.

Blessedly, I've been able to guide a few other women who, like me back then, couldn't begin to imagine life without a partner. If you're reading this and you're single and desperately want a partner, and/or you feel like you won't be complete until you find your soulmate, you're right. You need to be complete first. You must level up. You must develop the qualities you wish for in a partner. If not, you will attract the very things that you lack. I wish I had a dollar for every woman who has told me, "I'm lonely. I want someone to be with." Let me ask you this? Would you want to be with a partner whose sole purpose for seeking you out is because he's lonely? Oh, God forbid. Become the best version of yourself before you cast your net.

Then maybe, just maybe, you'll level up so high, you'll realize, you've had that special someone beside you all along---you!