I awoke early in Elgin, a suburb of Chicago, Illinois, in a lovely urban farmette, as my young Airbnb hosts, Mandy and Dan, refer to it. After a 7:30 meeting, my plan is to take my hosts' suggestion and hit up some of the galleries downtown, take some pictures, and then around 11:00, climb back into the Hyundai and make the four-hour trip west to Lacrosse, Wisconsin where I will be the guest at another Airbnb home on the Mississippi River for one night.
Although the trip is unfolding in wonderful ways (some planned, some unexpected), I was seized, upon awakening this morning, with a fear that, up until now, I have only fleetingly acknowledged. Fear is a funny thing. Fear is a dangerous thing. Fear sits in my belly and churns up a storm of emotions. Fear has the potential of shutting me, and this whole circus down if I allow it to have its way with me. Fear reminded me that this is only Day Three, that I still have at least 27 days out here if I intend to complete my epic journey, and that I am getting farther and farther away from home. Fear whispered worry into my heart about my precious cat, Carla, back in Rhode Island, that she may take sick while I'm away. Fear told me lies about my car, my health, my finances, my relationships, my faith.
The truth is, my faith is strong, strong enough to kick fear out of the bed. So, I did what I've learned to do. I got out of bed before fear could have any more of me. I got on my knees and I asked God to keep me, Carla, and all my loved ones in the palm of his hand (thank you, Jodi Gladstone for that image and prayer). And, thank you, Mary Ullrich Anderson for posting this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke.
"Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final."
Just keep going.
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